Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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