i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
