you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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