Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
