ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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