I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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