saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
