Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
