i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
