Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
