The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
