The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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