well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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