she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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