Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
