Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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