think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
