Umm I'm too high to move.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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