Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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