I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
