I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
