woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize