the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
