I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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