I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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