WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
