I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
