I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
