my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
