Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
