just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
