So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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