I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
