There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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