ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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