That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
