I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
