They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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