We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
