"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
