I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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