White coat. Heels.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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