Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
