Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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