OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Less talking, more tequila
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize