Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
