Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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