Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
did i just pee glitter
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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