My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we made out on top of his cat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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