2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
