I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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