Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
