My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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