I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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