Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
