How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
