this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
