There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
