I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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