I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
