toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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