wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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