I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
