I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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