distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
