I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
