Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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